Hi,
I have been wanting to post on here for some time. I wish I had the internet at home when I was a teenager, I would not have felt so alone about this.
I sort of always knew my breasts were a little bit uneven when they were developing, but I must have assumed the other one would catch up. I had boyfriends when I was 14 and they saw my real, then smallish breasts but I had not started to become conscious of what my breasts really looked like to anyone. About the following year, at 15, clothes began to look noticeably strange, particularly bathers and tank tops. Weirdly, I knew something was wrong, I felt kind of sick and upset about myself, but would just put my uniform on every day and pajamas at night, I did not analyse my boobs. Then at 16 I borrowed a video camera from school to record my final piece for drama and i was horsing around with it, pulling faces and showing my tights. Then I lifted up my top. When I watched the tape back for fun, actually seeing my breasts on the screen was like it hitting home - one was big and heavy and shaped like a teardrop, it had an "underneath" where I could (say) hold a pencil. While the other was just a bump. One nipple was lower, towards the bottom of the large breast, the small one was in the centre. I had never seen anything like it, and I felt like a monster. I stuffed my bra with cotton wool every day from then on, until I finally told my mother what I had been doing. She took me to a bra fitter and got me a gel insert used for cancer patients, which I wore until I finished High School. It was uncomfortable, but better than cotton wool. When school was over I got mum to take me to a doctor, who had been treating my mother and I for years - me never alone. They seemed to have a chuckle together at my expense and I was humiliated. When we got out to the car I burst into tears. Mum said "did you want me to ask about an operation" and I said yes. I just wanted to be normal. I didn't care what size they were, I just wanted my breasts to "disappear", to not be an issue. So It was right after final exams and graduation that I had an implant put in the small side. It turned out to be 1.5 cup sizes smaller. The surgeon warned me they would never look the same (my wish) because the nipples were in different places, and my heart sank a bit. However I went ahead with it and yes, they are not exactly the same but they are the same weight, and I can put on a bra or bikini top, and they are 100% better than before. I write on this page because while I have never really regretted the decision, there is a part of me that hates that my young mind felt that I "had" to change something with surgery to feel normal. I still feel envious of women with naturally quite even breasts, but I just have to tell myself that it could have been worse. It would be cool to talk about it if you want to. I am now 31. xxx
